she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
