Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
