The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
