The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
