Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
