I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
