So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Redeem this text for a blowjob
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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