Banned from zoo.
Again?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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