She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
