i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
