You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
