Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
