Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think people are normalizing furries
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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