Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
