How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
