I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
