now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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