found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
