EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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