I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
