cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
