I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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