I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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