i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
