I didn't shave. On purpose
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
