matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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