There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
