i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
