Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
