Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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