Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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