i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
