one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I love you. Go after that dick
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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