yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
