the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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