think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
