absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
