She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
