Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
