My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
