I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
