I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
