I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
