I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
