Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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