I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
