I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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