its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
