gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
