I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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