Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
